You’re working virtually, so is he….the kids are home and can barely sit still to attend their zoom school – and you’ve just had it.
Marriages are hard, they always were. Finding a way to work closely with another person unlike you, who functions differently, who thinks differently and works at a different speed is hard. Conflict is common in relationships and we all go through it.
But this has gone too far…..
If you’re fighting with your spouse more than ever, you are not alone.
In light of the COVID lockdowns and virtual work, couples are getting more and more irritated with one another. Issues that existed prior to the pandemic have gotten worse, new issues have been created and the love/passion/excitement is, well, remember that?
In times of stress, there are physical and psychological changes that occur in each person, but what is less spoken of is the changes in behaviour that occur. You may have never acted these ways before, or maybe you have, but the stress is bringing it out much more often and more intensely.
You are :
- Getting angry and being judgmental
- Getting restless and inpatient
- Frantically defending your opinions
- Acting out in rage and perhaps even violence
OR on the other extreme you are:
- Doing whatever it takes to please everyone
- Feeling guilty and ashamed of the things of you’ve done
- Mistrusting those around you
- Withdrawing from most of your close personal connections
Regardless of the reason, the trigger and the underlying root cause – when it comes to relationships, behaviours are all that matter.
Your spouse is not affected by your feelings of low-self esteem or your thoughts of worry and anxiety – but your spouse, kids, and extended family are affected by how you treat them.
The actions, words and body language that we use in relationship to others *is* the relationship. When we can’t control our behaviour, we can’t control our relationships.
If you are struggling to communicate, to feel close to and supported by your loved ones, then you have a relationship issue. But you’re not at fault, stress does that to us, it does it to all of us – the question is how bad you will let it get.
Take ONE action today:
Let the person(s) closest to you know that you are struggling inside and that you still care about having a healthy relationship. Share your vulnerability, be authentic and yet reaffirm your commitment to the relationship. We can want a close connection but may not be able to achieve it, so what we need to do is share, communicate and verbally express our intentions – because we know that goes a long way.
And if this seems too hard, you don’t have the words or the guts, or you are in a violent and dangerous situation, please reach out to our care manager for support.
We are here to help.
Leah & The Dynamic Health Team