Perceived Burdensomeness: North York Psychology’s View on Women’s Needs

If you’re a high-functioning woman living in Toronto or North York—especially with ADHD—you might recognize the sensation: it’s that quiet ache of wondering whether having needs has made you “too much.” At Dynamic Health Clinic, we hear this language of perceived burdensomeness often in therapy: “I’m sorry for always venting,” “Am I asking for too much?” or “It’s easier if I just handle it.” Let’s talk about why feeling like a burden isn’t the truth—and how you can start to gently unravel this belief.

What Is Perceived Burdensomeness?

Borrowed from clinical psychology, perceived burdensomeness describes those moments when you believe your existence, requests, or even feelings are a weight on others. For many women with ADHD or histories of masking, this plays out as endless apologizing or quietly meeting everyone else’s needs before your own—and it’s exhausting.

Why Does This Belief Take Hold?

Often, it starts in childhood or adolescence, especially in environments where emotions are dismissed with “don’t make a fuss” or “others have it worse.” Add ADHD’s tendency toward rejection sensitivity, and you end up absorbing the wrong message: that your needs are liabilities, proof that you’re “hard to love.”

Unmasking and Self-Compassion in North York

Gently, therapy in North York aims to unmask those ingrained beliefs. We explore cognitive reframes—like recognizing that needs are universal and not a flaw. You’ll learn skills to notice guilt spirals or over-explaining, and to gradually practice voicing needs without apology. Self-compassion isn’t about being “easy” on yourself; it’s about seeing the humanity in your imperfection.

Tiny Experiments: Honoring Your Needs

Try a small experiment: for a day, replace “I’m sorry for needing” with “thank you for listening.” Notice how it shifts the script in therapy, at work, or at home. Gradually, honoring your needs can feel less like a rebellion and more like permission to take up your rightful space in North York—and inside yourself.

Resources & Support

• Read more on ADHD and mental health from CAMH.
• Explore trauma-informed care in our clinic.

This article is for information, not a substitute for personalized care. You deserve support, right here in North York, to feel whole.