Feeling like your needs are ‘too much’ is a heavy story—especially in a city as fast-paced as Toronto. If you grew up believing your needs make you a burden, you’re not alone. This is a message I hear often from women who are skilled at managing, masking, and doing everything for others (and yes, often for those with ADHD). Before we talk about solutions, let’s pause—your experiences and feelings are valid. There’s nothing wrong with you for having needs. Let’s explore together why accepting them can feel so risky, and how you can reclaim your space in Toronto—without apology.

Where does the ‘too much’ belief begin?

For many high-functioning women, the internalized story that “my needs are a liability” can be traced back to childhood. Maybe you learned to check your feelings at the door, to be the easy one, or to apologize for needing help. Over time, you might start anticipating criticism or rejection, especially if ADHD or anxiety makes you hyper-alert to feedback. Toronto’s hustle only adds to this feeling—there’s pressure to be easy, efficient, and never demanding.

The cost of never asking

Living as if your needs are too much leads to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and even resentment. In therapy, clients describe guilt spirals: over-explaining, apologizing for needing time off, or feeling selfish for asking for support. The problem? When you never voice your needs, others can’t meet them—it’s a lonely, isolating cycle.

Understanding ‘perceived burdensomeness’

Clinically, we call this perceived burdensomeness: the belief that your presence or your requests create a problem for others. It’s common among women, especially those with ADHD or trauma histories, and is reinforced by environments where caretaking is rewarded but self-care is labeled as extra.

Giving yourself permission (in Toronto, especially!)

Therapy can help you build a new internal script. It’s not about ignoring others’ needs—it’s about making yours part of the equation, too. One simple reframe for my Toronto clients: “Needs aren’t weak—they’re information about what makes our lives sustainable.” Practice small asks. See what it feels like to not apologize for wanting a break, comfort, or support.

Need extra tools or a supportive space? Learn about therapy options for women in Toronto. Reach out to organizations like CAMH for broader support and self-assessment resources.

Dynamic Health Clinic supports North York and Toronto women, but your growth belongs to you.