Introduction
Ever feel like simply having needs is too much? For so many high-functioning women with ADHD in Toronto, internalized guilt creates invisible barriers around asking for support. If you find yourself carrying the weight of “shouldn’t I handle this by myself?” or “I don’t want to be a burden,” know you’re not broken. You’re navigating real stories you’ve learned, and, together, we can begin to set some of them down.

What is Perceived Burdensomeness?

Perceived burdensomeness is that ache inside whispering that your struggles or needs make life harder for those around you. For many adult women with ADHD, this voice can be especially loud following years of masking and trying to “keep up.” In therapy rooms across Toronto, we hear how easy it is to confuse asking for support with being problematic.

Where Does That Guilt Come From?

Guilt often begins early—subtle messages from school, family, or partners suggesting “don’t make trouble” or “be easy.” ADHD brains are wired to tune into these cues, creating reflexes of over-functioning and self-blame. For some, teasing out which guilt belongs to them, and which was absorbed from others, is powerful—and freeing.

Why It’s Okay to Ask for Help

Here’s the reality: needing support is part of being human, especially in the bustling expectations of Toronto life. Therapy is a space to unlearn the “burden” narrative and instead build new permissions. There’s healing in voicing, "I could use help,” and being met with care, not criticism.

Cognitive Reframes You Can Try

• Notice when guilt shows up: Instead of arguing with it, name it. “Hello, guilt—I see you.”
• Recall evidence: Who helps you gladly? When was it safe to need something?
• Consider therapy: Exploring these topics with a trauma-informed professional can unlock gentler self-permission. Learn more about coordinated care in North York here.

For Further Reading

Check out CAMH on ADHD for foundational information and local resources.

If your needs feel heavy, remember: you are not a liability. You’re worthy of support, just as you are.