It’s so common to shrink down when you have needs, especially if you’re used to being the fixer. In Toronto, for women with ADHD, the habit of self-minimizing can sneak in every day—apologizing for needing a break, feeling guilty for wanting help, or doubting if what you asked for was ‘too much.’ If reading this feels uncomfortably familiar, you’re not alone.
Where Self-Minimizing Starts
We often learn to downplay our feelings to get through school, jobs, or relationships. Maybe growing up, you heard you were too sensitive or needed less. These moments teach us that having needs is risky—or even shameful.
The Cost of Shrinking Your Needs
When you consistently minimize your feelings, it leads to chronic stress, low self-esteem, and exhaustion. Women with ADHD in Toronto may struggle more with this due to masking and the pressure to prove they’re ‘not difficult.’
A Clinical Perspective: "Perceived Burdensomeness"
Therapists describe the silent belief that “my needs make me a burden” as perceived burdensomeness. A gentle reframe from therapy rooms: what if asserting needs is an act of courage?
New Permission: Your Needs are Not a Liability
Notice how your body feels when you voice a need. Experiment with small asks and notice which stories come up. Our ADHD-focused support can help you practice this.
Want to go deeper?
CAMH has a trusted resource on adult ADHD. Finding language for your experience is a step toward self-acceptance.
Remember, Toronto is full of people learning to take up space, just like you. Your needs are valid and worthy of gentle care.
